Awkward Phase: CHAIR HEAD

I have to apologize that the blog has been suffering from neglect lately.  I know I have been insanely busy, as I believe all of my prerogative compadres have been as well.  So, instead of writing about life, I present a new Awkward Phase photo.

Do your dishes, assholes!

DCist posted a link to Passiveaggressivenotes.com and it’s my new favorite internet time waster.

This one is my favorite so far - Sandra starts out with a simple request for the dirty mens not to bring their stinky man poops into the scientifically proven (I actually agree with her on that point) cleaner ladies’ private lounge where ladies go to do their private business which is VERY VERY PRIVATE.

Emboldened by the first half of her note, it would seem, Sandra then takes the opportunity to vent about the last time there was a “potluck” and people did not “bring” enough food. The full post has some interesting background info about Casey in Human Resources.

Some of the notes remind me of last year when I lived with four students, three of whom were undergraduates. We had a white board on the refrigerator. Passive-aggressive notes abounded and I was not immune to the thrill of writing a semi-anonymous tirade.

Once when taking out the garbage, I sliced open my leg on a piece of broken glass some infantile moron had put in the bag (instead of, you know, taking it out immediately or wrapping it in paper or cardboard, like any normal person who knew anything about life might do). I left a note and a dry erase marker rendition of my bleeding calf.

Fortunately my current roommate and I do not leave notes; we’re passive-aggressive to each others faces.

Usher being performed by the animatronic bears at Showbiz pizza

I honestly have no words. I want to see the Country Bears remixed with Lil Kim.

When gay men use their powers for evil.

(via Wonkette)

While Hillary changes her mind about DNC rules, compares her struggle to Zimbabwe (uhhh…. no.) and just generally sinks lower and lower, at least her supporters in (what my Google skills have determined is) Saugerties, NY are keeping the dream alive in song.

It looks like the entire village turned out for this project; my favorite part is the wholly unenthusiastic lineup of people holding Hillary signs at the end - there is nervous giggling as they unwittingly repeat the “Hillary in the House” chant. The video ends with a shot down an empty side street of the small town. Sad, or great filmmaking?

~[Have you ever gotten really drunk and the maybe dropped some acid and then ran through a suburban mall in a fat suit drinking Orange Julius and pretending to be a gay man even though you're a straight woman? And then you wander into Spencer Gifts where you start pushing the "I can talk!" buttons on all the figurines they sell to no one, and you create a cacophony of putrid awfulness that gets stuck in the heads of everyone who hangs out in Spencer's but never buys anything? And then you puke in the calendar stand, specifically in the section devoted to Cocker Spaniel calendars? Then maybe you run around in the parking lot waiting for you brother to pick you up in the busted mini-van you share, but he's late because he stopped for $8 gas and a Dr. Pepper with vanilla syrup? I haven't, but thats how this video makes me feel. - Uggs]

Kitty Porn

Dude, PETA’s latest attempt to appeal to the “youth market” has been deemed “too racy” for most television stations. The video features Team America-style puppet-on-puppet action so HARDCORE that even MTV won’t carry it. Hilarious! Maybe they should have gone with Bob Barker instead.

Pump it, Puppet!

I am kind of in love with this gyrating nerd-puppet.

That is all.

Winona Forever but not while you’re at work.

So, we’ve been getting a crazy amount of search engine hits because of Cereal Mom’s post about Winona Ryder’s dating history. Because I think this is 1) redonk and 2) magnificent, I have decided to share a NSFW video that is taken from a film called The Ten. Be forewarned: if you know nothing of the Ten, or the film’s director David Wain, or the comedy troupe from which it all sprang the State, you should understand that most things that are funny in these films are uncomfortable,and make either great or terrible first date films depending on how awesome or prudish you are. I speak from experience.

Memorial Day Find

One of my favorite things about DC is the architecture. If you just ignore the bureaucracy-made-manifest late 20th century federal office buildings it’s like they’re not even there. On previous trips to the Mall, I had noticed the Old Post Office on Pennsylvania. Apparently it became obsolete almost immediately after it was built in the late 19th century and faced the threat of demolition for 75 years before it was restored and reopened in 1983.

Yesterday on our way to inadvertently getting trapped on the Mall by Rolling Thunder, Mr. MiddleChild observed, “There are people up there.” So there were.

We took the elevator to the top of the bell tower (Free! Another great thing about DC) and were treated to a pretty spectacular 360 view of the District.

The Raspberry takes a decent shot.

It was really fun to pick out all the landmarks - monuments, museums, the Capitol, the White House, the airport, the Cathedral, Catholic University, the World Bank - all visible from just 270 feet up. The tower had helpful pictures identifying significant buildings (which is how we found the World Bank) and was not nearly as busy as most tourist spots, especially for a holiday weekend. I’ll definitely be going back.

A couple more cell phone shots after the jump.

The Devil is younger than John McCain

The website Country Above Self (via Wonkette) is a place for true patriots to gather and hate their fellow Americans. In addition to a comprehensive list of Patriots (freedom-from-due-process-lover Alberto Gonzales tops the list) and Traitors (Danny Glover is second only to Ron Paul), the website has a few video gems like the one above.

I think it speaks for itself but just in case you are confused as to what’s going on up there, that’s anti-Barack/pro-McCain karaoke - fun for the whole family - to the tune of Devil Went Down to Georgia. Obama and McCain fiddle-fight for the golden fiddle of the presidency. Then Obama explodes at the end. I’m starting to detect a theme.

UPDATE: Apparently the tricksters who read Wonkette hacked Country Above Self to send Mr. Glover to the top of the Traitors list. Rest assured he has been restored to his original place: marginally less traitor-ly than Sean Penn. Also, the site thanked OP for its coverage. You’re welcome!

Groupthink: Pleasure Princessiple

via Jezebel

Uggs: If I were in the Female Bunch, I would be the local rancher woman who rides a big stallion (no saddle, puhlease!), manages the branding process to run as efficiently as possible while maintaining our high torture standards, and generally having sex with wandering men (hobos, Manson wannabes, Charlie Sheen) before injecting them with my vagina poison and leaving them in a barn for dead. But not until after I’ve branded them, using my new Eco-Friendly “Less Smoke” brander. We feminists love the environment!

StyleBaby: Can we just talk about how, though this movie seems to be all ’bout the nekkid ladies torturing the somewhat nekkid dudes, ONLY ONE WOMAN GETS TOP BILLING?

CerealMom: Sexist and Manson family-related. But the female bunch don’t care about no gender parity! We just get our rocks off then cut their dicks off! Count me in as the the free-loving heroin hussy who eats/sleeps/fucks with her holster around her waist and a knife in her boot.

MiddleChild: I’m sorry, I just can’t get over the name. “The Female Bunch” is supposed to be some lawless group of freeloving maneating heroin addicts? Sounds like Paula Dean’s Sunday Brunch ‘n’ Bridge group to me. “We’re the Female Bunch, y’all!”