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Archive for December, 2007

Bah Horndog.

Don’t ask me how I stumbled upon this lovely ghastly collection of low-budget santa-themed stripteases.

Our first entry looks like a soccer mom/trophy wife who’s been taking strip-tease and pole dancing lessons at the local gym. I like how slowly she moves, as if she’s a little unsure of her footing–don’t want to injure those joints, ladies! And her pasted on smile/grimace is pretty funny too.

And where our suburban mommy tease from above seems to be at the very edges of her comfort zone, this video features an absolute ham. Pure cheese.

Here we’ve got a slightly higher budget–notice the fancy camera angles!–but there’s a definite creep-preying-on-young-alcoholic-vibe to this video that makes me cringe.

Moral of the story: Santa and Strippers don’t mix!

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Thanks, Pee Wee.

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The GALL!

For my brother, who had his gallbladder removed yesterday:

A surgeon faces a disciplinary hearing for snapping a photo of a patient’s tattooed genitals during an operation and showing it around to other doctors.

Mayo Clinic Hospital administrators said Dr. Adam Hansen, chief resident of general surgery, admitted taking the photo with his cell phone on Dec. 11. The tattoo on strip club owner Sean Dubowik’s penis reads: “Hot Rod.”

Dubowik, who had undergone a gallbladder operation, said he learned of the photo Monday when the Mayo Clinic called. (VIA)

Andrew, it could be a lot worse: You could have an inappropriate tattoo–or own a strip club. Smooches!

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Far out, Man!

This great rotoscoped cartoon on the perils of Mormonism so earnestly skewers the Mormon faith (with its somber narration and interviews with real life lapsed Mormons), that I couldn’t help but repost.

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Kitty Wigs!

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…I think I’m in love. (Thanks, Rayo!)

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Free Blow!

Taken from BEST OF CRAIGSLIST (hey random googlers looking for free blow, I have none.)

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Free BLOW!!


Date: 2007-12-11, 12:26PM MST

Here’s the thing, I’m trying to clean up my life, but I’ve got to get rid of all the drugs from my past. So last night, as I was trying to empty all my stuff into the garbage, my wife came out and started trying to rip it out of my hands. Needless to say, and argument ensued, and soon the neighbors were in on it too.

We all stood there, arguing over what to do with the dope I wanted to throw out, when suddenly, my neighbor tried to rip in out of my hands. Now, I’ve got a serious problem.

The bag ripped and the white powder went EVERYWHERE. I mean, it’s all over the lawn, the driveway, up and down the street. There’s just a bunch of dope out there lying on the street. I’m terrified that the cops will come at any minute.

I mean, this stuff is thick, we’re talking several inches just covering everything on the whole street.

So, Free dope, come one come all, bring your straws, your needles whatever, but PLEASE bring a shovel, you can have all of the powder from my driveway, my sidewalks, and even the grass if you promise to be gentle, but bring a TRUCK. There’s a lot of this and I don’t want any left behind.

First come, first served. Also, my neighbors have offered to let you have the powder on their property as well.

Near Southwest Plaza, email for directions. Hurry, an offer like this won’t last long. (And I’m worried the cops are coming, so come QUICK).

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I love Liza

There are four oddball celebrities that pull at my heartstrings in a strangely nostalgic, overly symbolic way: Vegas-Era Elvis Presley, Meatloaf, Dolly Parton and Liza Minnelli. While I love each of these celebrities for their sheer absurdity, they are also somehow representative of the beauty, excess and decay of the American Dream–read Don Delillo’s White Noise for a clearer sense of what I’m grasping at.

Anyhow, I was browsing this awesome slideshow of aging celebrities when lovely Liza popped up. Here she is in 1977:

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And here she is in 2007:

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Magic and Dread, indeed.

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